... And frankly, it's all a blur. I think I lost most of my conscious powers of discernment somewhere between the Penang chye tow kway (fried carrot cake) and the curry mee. I think there was chendol in there somewhere and a wholly unnecessary but happily consumed high tea at the hotel. So yes, to put it mildly, we ate A LOT.
"Goggle lady" char kway teow
Epic curry mee
I have to say though, food aside, it was quite the lovely trip. It's the first vacation we've taken as a family in a long time- husbands and children in tow, and it was wonderful. The kiddies held up to the heat and hawker food (thanks to surreptitiously hoarding of the hotel buffet breakfast), and bountiful fun was had together at the pool. Sophie loved that she was constantly surrounded by people who would hold her hand, hug her, carry her, kiss her, idolize her (yes, 19-month-old Julianne Foo- I'm talking about you...), and thrived on all the affection and attention. So much so that she asked to stay in Penang for "another 11 weeks"...
We have another trip coming up-- to a decidedly different landscape and climate-- but till then, the memory of lush greenery, delicious food, and family will linger warmly.
This photo pretty much sums up our child in a single snapshot. Oh she'll play with her friends-- dress-up, hide-and-seek, catch, etc.-- but when given a choice, Sophie would much rather be in a corner with a book, either by herself or being read to.
The other thing that makes me proud is the fact that unlike her mother, she has pretty good sitting posture :)
Between Jude and I, we have too many books, CDs, and LPs than is probably acceptable (see here and here for a fraction of what we've been carting around). Which is just fine by us but not so great when you're looking at another move looming in the horizon. We're moving into a significantly smaller place and storage is likely to be an issue. And so to maximise space, we're starting to look into shelving systems, particularly in the living room and study to accommodate all the media we possess.
This post gives you a sense of what we'd ideally like to do with a shelving system. It's meant to make full use of wall space that would otherwise have gone to waste and more importantly, be able to store objects of different shapes/ heights/ dimensions/ depth. If we had all the money in the world, this is what we'd get:
The Vitsœ 606 Universal Shelving System was designed in 1960 and has been in continual production ever since. It's modular which means you buy the pieces you need according to your needs and constraints, and for what it is, it's actually fairly portable, able to be transported with each move we might take in the future. We love the clean, unfussy lines, and the multitude of ways in which it can be configured. It's like the pure idea of storage and design stripped to its bare essence. Watch this video for a sense of why this is such an amazing solution to everyone's storage woes:
Unfortunately-- and surprisingly if you ask me-- Vitsœ does not have a distributor in Singapore and the closest in the region is Tokyo :( There are a few alternatives we can get locally-- here and here-- but to make them really suit our needs, some custom carpentry might be required.
And so-- literally-- it might be back to the drawing board for us...
Inconceivably, it will soon be a full year since we've moved back to Singapore-- something I'll leave for another post-- and with that, we're getting ready to move out of our rented apartment here on the university campus to a more permanent place about a 20-minute drive away and slightly closer to the city. We actually bought the flat in 2006 and have been renting it out since then. It's a modest apartment and just perfect for the three of us right now-- between Jude and I, it'll be easy to manage.
Original floor plan
The thing is though, since we bought it, nothing has actually been done to the flat in the way of renovation. Our parents have been wonderful managers and proxy landlords so they've handled things like repairs and installation of an airconditioning system; but if we're going to be living there for the ostensible future, the whole place needs a fairly major overhaul. Which is basically the thing that has consumed our every other waking moment over these past weeks. Apparently, renovating a house-- no matter how small-- is no mean feat.
We have a designer who's helping us out with rethinking the layout for the house which at this point seems to involve things like hacking and rebuilding walls, reconfiguring spaces, thinking about door placements, etc. Apart from that though, Jude and I are on our own in terms of how we want the interior to look. We have a fairly clear picture of how future home will look-- my Pinterest board will give you an inkling. Of course, how much this vintage midcentury-inspired vision will actually come to fruition remains to be seen. So watch this space- I'm going to try to keep a faithful record of our renovation journey. This is the first time we're creating a home from scratch (well second, if you consider our garage-sale furnished place in Ann Arbor, but that doesn't really count coz we pretty much had to accept the place as it came and we were essentially longterm tenants...) and making it as close to our ideal vision as possible. I think it'll be nice to have something to look back on to show each little step we're taking towards that goal.
I know, it's been almost four months since I last wrote. A longer update is coming up- I promise.
In the meantime, here's a gem from the almost four-year old this morning:
"Mom, you need to accessorize." Which is priceless coming from a kid whose idea of fashion is matching blue and white polka dots with multi-colored stripes.
One of the things we were most worried about when we moved back to Singapore was Sophie's (in)ability to pick up Chinese. Jude and I speak the language well enough I suppose but it doesn't come naturally to us, which means between just talking to Sophie in English and having to first translate whatever we want to say in Chinese in our heads before then saying it to her, we've always taken the easy way out. Also, people say your mother tongue is the language in which you dream and my dreams have never been in any other language but English (can you subtitle a dream? Freud? Christopher Nolan?).
But thankfully, Sophie's preschool has an excellent Chinese language programme (into which they're constantly researching and re-evaluating, which makes the education geek in me so happy). She also has great Chinese teachers who have been the paragon of patience when it comes to exposing Sophie to the language. They understand that she had almost zero exposure to the language before her third birthday and are taking things slow with her; but they also practice the principle that the only way to learn a language *is* to be saturated in it and so they speak to her almost exclusively in Chinese, necessitating that she learns to understand what they're saying to her.
Sophie's been a quick learner of the sounds of the language-- she can repeat phrases and even complete songs almost pitch perfectly. But for a long time, she had no idea what they mean. A month ago though, she started asking me what certain words in Chinese mean, words she hears often in school or that appear in stories that are read to her- 蝴蝶 (butterfly), 一起 (together), 朋友 (friend), for example and I was more than happy to translate them for her and then ask her again the next day to see if she remembers. Sometimes she does, often she doesn't, but the fact is that she's interested and that's more than we can ask for.
Then last week, her Chinese teacher tells me that they're starting to teach the kids how to recognize Chinese characters and sent home a little game for us to play with Sophie (her first homework assignment!!). She didn't yet have to be able to identify each word but the objective was just to familiarize her with them. Basically, we were supposed to place four Chinese characters on a grid and systematically take one away in turn, and see if Sophie can identify the one that's missing. The four words were:
口 (mouth)
人 (people)
小 (small)
大 (big)
Since Chinese characters are fundamentally pictograms, I told Sophie to look at the words and pretend that they're pictures-- the character for "mouth" looks like a mouth open wide, "people" is a person walking, "small" is like a small, skinny person standing straight, and "big" is a bigger person standing with his/her arms and legs stretched open. And it went BRILLIANTLY. I almost couldn't believe it. In 10 minutes, our child who until 6 months ago heard no word of Chinese (except on Ni-Hao Kai Lan on Nick Jr.) could not only pick out the right word when prompted, she could also produce the sound when I asked. I thought my heart would burst from sheer pride.
Jude and I take hope from this NYT article which we talk about all the time to our friends in similar situations, with children learning what is essentially for Sophie, a foreign language. It talks about how a foreign correspondent for the NYT basically transplanted his entire family from Brooklyn, NY to Moscow and enrolled his children in a Russian-only elementary school. The kids had to learn everything in Russian, a language they had never heard before. It was pure torture. But after five years in Moscow, the children not only spoke fluent, flawless Russian, but also developed a deep love and appreciation for the Russian life and culture. We can only hope the same for Sophie...
Sometime in June last year, Sophie and I had actually started planning a book project together. For some reason, we were talking a lot about our emotions then-- mostly to do with starting preschool and moving to Singapore-- and I asked if maybe she wanted to "write" a book on the emotions she felt. She got really excited and we took a series of photos as a start. But before we could do much more with it, the huge move loomed large and we had to put the project on hold.
Even when we arrived in Singapore, the last few months have been consumed by settling in, new jobs, new school, new schedule, the holidays, etc. And it wasn't until last week when we found any time to go back to the book project.
The "When I..." idea is mine but everything else (especially the purple) is all Sophie. Her experiences with these emotions are pretty typical of a three-year-old I guess: a combination of things that happen to her/us on a daily basis (fighting to read one more book before bedtime), things that are constantly on her mind (hating the idea of an injection at the doctor's), things that have recently become quite the preoccupation (visiting Ann Arbor), and things from favorite books (the part when the boat getting tossed about in the ocean in Oliver Jeffers' Lost and Found).
I used FlipSnack to make it into an online flip book but I'm looking into the different options of printing it as an actual book we can hold and read before bed. It was a fun experience for both Sophie and I and I'm already thinking of ideas for the sequel- a trilogy perhaps? :)
For Christmas this year, instead of getting Sophie one big present-- mostly because we didn't want to clutter the house with another big toy-- we bought her several smaller ones instead-- a pile of books, furniture for her dollhouse, a pair of sparkly TOMS that she's worn practically everyday since, and a fully functioning digital camera. Honestly, it was the best $40 spent on a Christmas present. Sophie's gotten really used to us schelpping our camera everywhere and we use our phone camera in front of her all the time so she's pretty much grown up understanding the concept of capturing memories through photography. In fact, lately, she's been using our phones to randomly take pictures of things around her-- though not always in focus and we've gotten our fair share of photos of her fingers...
So the kid digital camera was something she really appreciated and we've taken it out with us everywhere since Christmas. It's as simple as they come-- turn on, aim, shoot, and scroll buttons to go through your pictures. The resolution isn't great but for $40, you're not expecting Ansel Adams quality photographs. And Sophie doesn't care so much how the photos look like but more the fact that she's the one who took them, with her very own camera.
Last weekend, when our friends Melanie and Jonas came into town for a visit, we took them to the Esplanade/ Marina Bay Sands area for a jaunt and took the opportunity for Sophie to go to town with her camera. We told her to look for things she found interesting and to take as many pictures as she wanted. Here are some shots that she took:
If there was one thing I had to learn to do this past year is to be a little braver. We had to make several huge decisions this year-- some much harder than others, as you can imagine-- and we wouldn't have been able to make them if we hadn't compelled ourselves to embrace a certain amount of uncertainty. We had to learn that we can't always plan and control everything that is happening in our lives and that a healthy dose of unknowingness might not necessarily be a bad thing.
We're in a mostly happy place right now-- and I mean that existentially more so than geographically but they're sort of related, I suppose-- and your guess as to what exciting adventures 2013 will bring (us) is as good as mine. But with the whirlwind roller-coaster that 2012 put us through, I think we're pretty ready for whatever the coming year has in store :)
It's been almost two months into the new job and I have to admit that I'm enjoying it more than I had expected. There's a lot of the number crunching that I knew would be part of the job, but also much intellectual stimulation, hard thinking (which I do enjoy, I have to say), and co-workers who make the challenging work exciting and interesting.
A new job has also meant a new schedule for all of us at home and that's something that's still undergoing some trial and error. Initially, I took Sophie to daycare and drove to work but that meant having to haul the poor thing out of bed at 6.45am and paying for really expensive season parking near my office in the central business district. We tried that out for a couple of weeks but realized that it didn't make sense financially or time-wise. Now that Jude's on break, he's taken over drop-off and pick-up and I take the bus to work, which has worked out so much better for everyone. Jude and Sophie get to sleep more and I don't stress out about being late for work. I also really enjoy long bus-rides (many thanks to Lush for great company), especially early in the morning, so it's been win-win all round. When term starts up again, we'll switch out depending on Jude's teaching schedule, but hopefully, it'll be more forgiving than a crazy early mad-rush for everybody everyday.
Coming home after 6.00 means little time for elaborate dinner prep. Thank god for our families though who always thoughtfully prepare a ton of food for us on weekends to bring home to freeze. Between that, takeout once or twice a week, and simple foods that are easy and quick to cook like fish, noodle soups, and veggies, we pretty much have dinner covered every night with time to spare to unwind and play and read with Sophie.
As for chores, we're managing to cope quite well-- if we need to, we put a video on for Sophie on weekends and do whatever major cleaning that needs to get done like mopping the floor or cleaning the bathrooms. But since no one is at home in the day, the house never really gets too messy or dirty; the Roomba also vacuums three times a week so that saves us from doing much dusting. Most importantly, we farm out the ironing to a laundry company because honestly, there is nothing I hate more than ironing...
The almost three-month break was nice to have after moving half-way across the world and gave me time to set things up in our new apartment. But it feels good to be back working and thinking about more than just how to hang our posters up or how many sets of bedding we need... I think the guy at our neighborhood DIY store was really getting sick of seeing me every other day with some new request ;)
To the strains of the Vince Guaraldi Trio (soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas) and Pink Martini's Christmas album, we finally got round to putting up our tree and hanging up our stockings last weekend. Christmas has always been a big deal in my family and the joy of counting down to it is something we've always shared with Sophie.
As you can tell, our first proper Christmas tree is a little on the slender side but it fits exactly where and how we want it to- at the edge of our living room wall and next to Jude's speakers. Most importantly, it has a little bit of everything we love-- things we picked from my mom's that I've always loved, those from dear friends who live too far away (specifically salt dough ornaments that dear Finn made for us back in Ann Arbor and a little Finnish elf from one of Tarja's Pikkujoulu parties), and new favorites that we (ok, Sophie) just added to our collection :)
The personalized stockings are handmade from an etsy store, byebyebirdieengland and are just about the cutest things ever. Sophie thinks they're adorable too and they've actually become an unexpected way for her to learn her letters. Today, looking at them, she realized that her name has fewer 'E's than mine and very plaintively asked that I share my extra 'E's with her. She was so sad, it was quite funny...
We still haven't found a Christmas wreath that we like and there's the whole yet-to-finish Christmas shopping issue (and then its attendant wrapping of presents), but that aside, that familiar quiet joy that always pervades as Christmas rolls around has definitely set in- things seem a little prettier, you find yourself being more forgiving of others and yourself, people are a little less grumpy, a little more generous, and there's just an all-round sense of well-being I associate only with Christmas coming round the corner...
The last time Jude and I got a chance to spend a night out without Sophie was January 2010-- Avatar was playing in the theatres, neither one of us had graduated, and Sophie had not even stared on solids yet. We were home for Sophie's first Christmas and the family was more than happy to jump at the opportunity to babysit. Since then, we'd just never got round to getting a babysitter in Ann Arbor and by then, we had just gotten used to schlepping Sophie everywhere with us. We had to eschew going out to anything past her bedtime but that was something we just got used to.
But sigur rós isn't just any old something and now that we're back home, family is around again to help us out with watching Sophie. She was more than happy to spend the night at the grandparents and hang out with her aunts, uncle, and Julianne-- she had her jammies, books, and toys picked out the night before and it was all she could talk about all Friday. When we said bye to her before the concert, she gave both of us a tight hug, reminded us that she was going to miss us, but told us to have fun anyway :)
According to Sam, Sophie did whine a little just before bedtime and asked for both Jude and I, but snuggling helped and she eventually fell asleep quietly and slept through the night without any fuss (except maybe sleeping horizontally and hogging precious bed space...) So all in all, I think Operation "Jude and Serene Return to the Concert Scene"was officially a success. We were praying it would be, what with Regina Spektor in December and possibly the Laneway Music Festival in January... ;)
Speaking of which, sigur rós was simply astounding. We've loved their music for so long and to be able to see them in Singapore was an exquisite experience. For a couple of hours that afternoon, I was so afraid that the concert would get washed out by the heavy storms, but thankfully the skies let up, the concert went on, and even though it did start to pour towards the end, it was less an inconvenience than a poetically fitting end to a gorgeous set. Because really, who listens to sigur rós on a bright sunny day anyway?...
I listend to them A LOT as I was writing my dissertation and there were several moments throughout the concert that brought up difficult memories of me crouching over my laptop tapping away into the wee hours of the morning, which made for a rather complicated experience, especially while standing in the drizzle that would then give way to a downpour. But I love how I feel when I listen to sigur rós-- complicated or not-- and watching them 'live' and sharing that with Jude and my cousin Terri was something quite quite special.
The concert didn't exactly have the same vibe as what I had always envisioned a sigur rós concert to be (see video below) but having it out in the open at Fort Canning was quite an inspired idea, although it would not have been my first choice in Singapore. I was expecting something smaller, a little more intimate, something more befitting the spare lushness (how's that for an oxymoron) of their music. But it worked out beautifully in the end, and it was quite the night to remember.
Those of you who've been reading the blog long enough know that Thanksgiving has always been my absolute favorite American holiday, mostly because I associate it solely with our time in the U.S. without any of the baggage of missing home. And the food of course. Now that we're back, I miss it very much, the same way I'm missing Fall, my favorite season. It's times like these that I actually try not to think about Ann Arbor too much because it actually stings a little behind my eyes...
But I'm nonetheless going to take the time to remember all the wonderful Thanksgivings we've had over the years and our fantastic friends with whom we've had the utter privilege and joy to have spent Thanksgiving. Thank you for your friendship, fellowship, and love, and for introducing us to the fabulous world of (deep-fried) turkey, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie. A particular shout-out goes to our friends Rick and Emilee with whom we've spent five out of our nine Thanksgivings in the U.S.- you guys had better make good your plans to celebrate Thanksgiving here in Singapore next year! You and your turkey fryer... :)
One tradition of the Singapore early education system that I've never really understood is the kindergarten graduation ceremony. Oh, I get that it's a huge deal that the kids are leaving the (relatively) carefree stage of their childhood behind and moving up to formal schooling- it *is* significant and it should be celebrated.
What I don't understand is why it has to involve a whole song-and-dance program, multiple rehearsals, kids in elaborate costumes (that the parents have to pay for and which will ostensibly never get worn again), and thick make-up for all the children involved (girls and boys). Nobody I've spoken to enjoys it-- kids or parents, it's so much work for the poor teachers, and it costs so much more money than is necessary.
So it was with much relief when we found out that at Sophie's daycare, they have no such tradition. This weekend, the whole center celebrated the Kindergarten Two children graduating on to primary school and instead of the usual concert/pageant extravaganza, we all participated in a family games day instead. Even though Sophie's three years away from her own "graduation", she's come to know the children who are graduating this year and it was exciting for her to be celebrating with her friends (even though she only has the vaguest notion of what we were celebrating...)
The families didn't have to cough up a lot of money for the event-- a modest registration fee (which covered a goody bag and lunch) and an event t-shirt that we bought for Sophie which also didn't cost us too much and which I can totally see her wearing again. The whole thing was based on the theme of the Kindergarten Two curriculum this year-- Loving our Planet. Prior to this weekend, families were asked to contribute as much recyclable material as they could so that they could be used during the event's activities. Then we basically spent Saturday morning running around City Square Mall-- Singapore's first Eco Mall-- completing various tasks that involved the recyclable materials like building a tower and replicating the life-cycle of a caterpillar.
Making a giant photo frame from
recyclable materials
Sophie as the head of the "caterpillar"
Every child and parent (even some grandparents) was involved and even though I think many of the younger kids-- Sophie included-- got tired running up and down a mall after about an hour, I think the intentions behind the event were great. We were never bored, we didn't feel like what little money we spent was wasted, and there were so many learning opportunities for all involved, especially the K2s who experienced the culmination of their year's learning in such a wonderful and engaging way. We were really so so happy for them all as they walked up the stage to proudly get their kindergarten certificates at the end of the festivities.
Graduation ceremony
Like I said, it's going to be another three years before it's Sophie's turn. But if this year's event is anything to go by, we will only have a wonderful celebration to look forward to in 2015.
In retrospect, in light of Hurricane Sandy devastating the U.S. East Coast, dressing up as a rain cloud was probably not the most respectful idea. But if you know our daughter, you'd know that once she got something into that stubborn head of hers, she wasn't going to let it go without a fight. And so a rain cloud she was...
I think last year was the last time I would have any say in Sophie's Halloween costume. This year, even though we have a perfectly functioning dinosaur costume she could have worn, Sophie insisted on being a rain cloud. She was adamant. I asked her why and it turns our, it's because of this video, an episode of her favorite Kipper cartoon where Arnold, Kipper's pig friend, takes a balloon ride into the clouds. When Sophie was sick a couple of weeks ago, she probably watched this video at least 10 times so I guess it stuck in her head...
And so with the help of a huge roll of cotton batting (the material you use to stuff quilts), an old dress, some felt cloth for rain drops, and A LOT of adhesive spray, Sophie's costume was born. She actually thought of crying on cue during trick-or-treating; and screaming- "So it will be like real rain and thunder, Mama." Oh Sophie...
But in the end though, we settled on a squirt bottle which she ended up not using much of because she needed two hands to operate it and she was too concerned with her pumpkin candy bag.
I think Sophie had a lot of fun- running around the estate with the big kids (some of whom mistook her for a sheep until they saw the rain drops...), shouting "trick-or-treat!" at the top of her voice (which was something she didn't do as much of last year), and riding up and down the elevators. One thing that did scare her though-- and which marked the end of Halloween for her-- was the last house we visited.
It scared the bejeezus out of her when someone opened the door dressed as a vampire, flashing a torchlight under her face. At that moment, trick-or-treating was officially over :( Anyways, by that time, she was getting really tired too. And the humidity was probably getting to her as well. Her costume was basically one large quilt fluffed up so I can imagine that the mugginess was not fun.
She was happy going home with her little candy haul. She diligently picked out the ones she knew she could eat-- mostly the lollies and gummies-- and then force-fed the chocolates to Jude. I think it was her way of enjoying them vicariously through him :)
Sophie's class at daycare has a pet hamster affectionately and imaginatively named Hammy. The kids take turn to care of it on weekends and this past weekend was Sophie's turn. It happened to be a long weekend so we got to spend an extra day with Hammy so that was nice :)
Being so gentle with Hammy
I have to admit that Jude and I were initially a little trepidatious that something might happen to Hammy while in our care. I can't even keep a cactus alive so you can imagine our anxiety at a real life scampering creature that has actual needs. But Sophie was a most committed caregiver and made sure Hammy got its seeds, fresh water, and change of shower sand every morning.
Taking her responsibility very seriously
She was very very gentle with it and would find every opportunity to run by its cage and give us an update of what Hammy's up to (which usually wasn't very much in the day- it's a more "run around his wheel at 12 in the morning kind of hamster...)- "Look Mama, his eyes are open!"; "Hammy is burrowing under the sawdust!"; "I think Hammy's stinky. He's giving himself a bath."; "Dada, Hammy's running in his gym!"
Laughing at Hammy's antics
There were also many quiet moments when Sophie was content to just sit and watch Hammy, whether it was doing anything or not. I wondered what was going through that little brain of hers as she contemplated this living creature so much smaller than she is.
Just watching...
She was sad to bring Hammy back to school today, but at least she'll still get to see it everyday. It was a wonderful experience for all of us, particularly for Sophie who did such a great job.
Such a good caregiver
Even though Hammy was by no means a demanding animal to care for, Sophie still learned about what it means to take care of a pet, that it's not all fun and cuddles and that it has needs that must be met first. We talked about how different Hammy is from us (he doesn't shower with water, doesn't drink from a cup, and only eats seeds), but also how alike many living creatures are (we both need water and food, and have the same desire to be clean).
Also, we now we know we can ostensibly own a pet and not run the risk of accidentally "misplacing" it... ;)
Until we moved back to Singapore, Sophie hadn't had a room to call her own. In Ann Arbor, she shared a room with our books and Jude's wardrobe while her toys and books took over our living room downstairs. So one of the most important things we wanted to give her in our new place was her own room that she can call her little haven.
We didn't bring any big pieces of furniture back with us, but we did bring a whole ton of books, including three boxes of just Sophie's. And so that became the central focus of her room. I had blogged about Jane Mount's children's books spine portraits, specifically her Ideal Bookshelf 1 a couple of years ago and we were finally able to frame and hang it up.
We brought Sophie's display bookcase back with us so that went in her room as well.
Initially, when we first started buying books with book jackets, I found them such a bother and Sophie would always pull them out anyway. But then I started saving the book jackets of books that Sophie really enjoys reading and got the idea to frame them as wall art now that we have a little more wall space.
Her kitchen set and lemonade stand are also in her room which makes Sophie so happy because she now basically has all her favorite things in one place. It's easily our favorite room in the house and we spend a lot time there just hanging out- reading to Sophie, allowing her to "serve" us food, having pretend picnics, etc. Whenever we need to be doing something else-- write an email, do the laundry, make dinner-- we know we can leave Sophie in her room and she will be perfectly content and happy. Sometimes, we actually have to bribe her to leave the room because she can stay in there forever if you let her.
The room has come together really nicely and we're quite proud of it. And to make things sweeter, we found out yesterday that Sophie's room has been featured in apartment therapy's My Room series!
[click for link]
apartment therapy is one of my favorite home and design websites and I love browsing through their Nursery and Kids room tours. And so it's just really exciting to have them showcase something we've put together, especially something as close to our hearts as Sophie's love for reading and books, and the room we've created to nurture that.
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