So this subject might be interesting to many people- dating. A couple of friends were having a conversation today about what determines the direction after a first date- how do you know you want to have another drink with this person, or if a quick getaway preceded by a mumbled excuse of an incurable and highly infectious disease is more in order? Apparently the litmus test for one of the above-mentioned friends is the answer to "What kind of music do you like?" Depending on the response, the probability (and success) of a second date would be quite simply ascertained- Q.E.D.
We all have different ways of deciding if that mystical alchemical entity called "chemistry" has sparked between oneself and an object of interest, that is if this entity can be said to exist at all. For some people, it's the definitive date movie; for others, it's the way one looks, behaves, eats, speaks, dresses, smells... and there are of course others for whom just the slightest display of interest is the sign that we're good to go.
So what is it that brings two people together? An incredibly funny book I would recommend for those who are curious is High Fidelity- and please, the book, not the movie even though I thought John Cusack was spot-on, and Jack Black stole the show. It doesn't really describe the meeting of souls so much as what tears them apart (which kinda tells you something about what went wrong with them coming together in the first place.) Basically, the book shadows Rob as he revisits all his ex-girlfriends to find out why they broke up with him. Needless to say, it is a painful journey of ego-shredding proportions as each conversation reduces any kind of self-respect and self-confidence by a notch. So basically, what does he find out? Apart from the fact that he was a bad kisser at age ten? That it's all about the timing.
The whole concept of chemistry is just about being at the right place at the right time with the right person. That's it. The eternal question answered. The meaning of human existence and the key to the posterity of civilization encapsulated in that one idea. Now all you have to do is to close your eyes and wish for the perfect person to materialize right before your eyes at the exact moment and exact place you want them to. Then you can buy them a second beer, and you'll live happily ever after. Good job!
Right, and Jude and I drove away from our wedding in a pumpkin driven by four men who used to be mice.
I'm not an authority on dating but I honestly believe that there's got to be more to this than whether the first Coldplay album was better than the second, or if you can recite the first eight stanzas of Paradise Lost by heart. Almost all cultures believe you can easily decide if a person is to be THE ONE- the Chinese believe in birthdates and times, Native Americans hold dear to their love dreamcatchers, and for others, it depends on which planet has moved into the house of which star. Erm... whatever turns your wheel I say...
For me, you just know. It's not chemistry, it's not always about sparks flying (although those do come in the picture... trust me.)- you just do. It's almost elemental- you feel it in your blood & guts. Literally. Something slides in place, and you go, "OH-MY-GOD!" That's it. I'm sorry if this is disappointing for those of you who actually expected this blog to give you an earth-shattering answer- for that, you actually have to pay me.
No, but seriously, that moment will arrive when you suddenly (or not) realize that this person is making you crawl out of bed an hour earlier than your usual 5.45 am just to check if he sent you an email between the last time you text-messaged "Good Night" and the moment you opened your eyes in the morning- you'll know you've got it bad. Those were good times...
So to Mr. "Peanut-butter-and 2%-milk", hang in there- you'll know if she's worth that second beer.