On existence, death and the ties that bind us (virtual or not)

Today I received some very surprising- and somewhat disturbing- news. A friend passed away in his sleep this morning. His name is Colin and he was a schoolmate in junior college when we were both in the Legion of Mary. He was a lawyer and last seen arguing in court on Monday. I haven't really interacted with Colin very much. Last Tuesday, he sent me a "poke" on Facebook. I didn't "poke" back. Now I'm on his Facebook page and going through the condolence messages trickling in. I was actually on Facebook last night, and if I had paid more attention, I would have noticed his cousin leaving a message about his demise on his Wall.

Then I read this article in NYT - "Neighbors Reflect on a Death No One Noticed". To summarize, Christina Copeman, a woman in Brooklyn, passed away at home nearly 2 years ago and no one noticed until now. The most poignant passage from that article reads:

It seems impossible for a person to fall through the cracks like that, to die in her own home and go undiscovered. New York is a big city, but it is impersonal only at a distance. People have neighbors. They have relatives.

This has gotten me thinking about our social networks and the interactions that link us to each other. I know that about Colin's passing because I'm peripherally on his Facebook network. We are connected, no matter how tenuous that connection. In contrast, Christina Copeman's situation had very different circumstances. She had made the decision to isolate herself from her friends, neighbours and her family. And as the saying goes, "If a tree falls in the forest, and no is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" In this case, the passing of Christina Copeman was no louder than a pin dropping in her social network, even though there were clear signs that things were amiss.

There has been much teeth gnashing over the power and abuse of Social Networking software in the past few years. However what's perhaps missed in these discussions is the fact that the connections that these social networks make apparent are intertwined with human emotions despite the fact that they are virtual. I am sure that Colin's Facebook page will stay up there as long as the servers stay up. I am sure that in the years to come, Colin's network will use his page to remember his mark on this world. And I am quite sure that I will come across new messages of remembrances from his friends and family in the years to come. His page becomes a trace of his existence left behind. To quote another NYT article:

Still, the sheer popularity of social networking seems to suggest that for many, these environments strike a deep, perhaps even primal chord. “They fulfill our need to be recognized as human beings, and as members of a community,” Dr. Strate says. “We all want to be told: You exist.

My deepest condolences to Colin's friends and family. And rest in peace my friend.