Inspired by my fave faux talkshow host, Stephen Colbert's brilliant column in Wired Magazine this month, which is entitled ... you guessed it - "Be an Expert on Anything.", I followed his principles only to find out that I too am an expert on anything and everything. Listed below are my reflections on my expertise at everything according to Colbert's maxims:
1) Pick a field that can't be verified
Let's see, my mom still doesn't understand the field of my graduate work. Telling people that I come from the School of Information doesn't help. Wise guys will ask when I will graduate to the College of Knowledge. Also, Human-Computer Interaction is its own kind of obtuse ... So I think I fulfill principle No. 1.
2) Choose a subject that's actually secret.
Hmmm, well, I've been sworn to secrecy before. Does that count? Ummm ... I am also very discrete :) Besides, the fact that so few people understand what HCI is, it may as well be a secret.
3) Get your own entry in an encyclopedia.
I am editing my own entry on Wikipedia as we speak. Let's see how long it stays there.
4) Use the word zeitgeist as often as possible.
I don't like zeitgeist. I prefer gemeinshaft and gesellschaft. Beat that. Actually, I don't even need to resort to a foriegn language, all I need to do is just say, "Group knowledge formation" - people's eyes start to glaze over (or roll exasperatedly if you happen to be Serene...)
5) Be sure to use as many accronyms and abbrevaitions as possible.
HCI, SI, CSCW, CSCL, MIMO, AWOL, SBJL, POW, MOCHI, etc.
6) Speak from the balls not from the diaphram.
First thing I learnt in theater school. We walked funny for days after the first lesson.
7) Don't be afraid to make things up.
Ask Allison about this. She can vouch for my skill in making things up.
8) Don't limit yourself to current knowledge.
Never. I count Kabala and Feng Shui as legitimate fields to cite from.
9) Get an honorary PhD.
If I don't get a job after I graduate it may as well be honorary.
10) Make a habit of name dropping.
Do this all the time. On paper and in speech.
11) Be famous.
I am working on this one. If I can't be famous, I'll start looking into being infamous.
(On a more sinister note, the satirical nature of Colbert's article and its reflection on how rhetoric is being employed in our society, is not lost on me).
3 comments:
Does a Wikipedia User: page count?
I don't see why not. An encyclopedia page is an encyclopedia page :)
#1 & 2: Mmmm...ditto.
#3: If I'm the expert, why are people turning to some encyclopedia?
#4: I don't use zeitgeist, but I have been using taciturn and austere. Plus, I create double and reverse negative by overusing not.
#5: See #7.
#6: I speak from the adductors. And, if worked hard enough, you may indeed walk funny afterward.
#7: I vouch. (I do this myself actually. What a fellow expert am I!)
#8 & 9: I can barely put into words what I'd like to study. My interests are limitless.
#10: Ok. I'll work on it. Did I ever mention my date with the 98 Degrees guy?
# Sinister note: rhetoric. An under utilized word.
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