Epiphany II (albeit with a mini-crisis...)

So I had another academic/ professional epiphany today- it's seems to be an annual affair, these sudden crystallizations of clarity... Anyways, as part of our professional seminar today, we had a video conference with American Institutes of Research, a research organization which does a lot of work on education and other related fields. It was basically the professor showing us what other options there are after graduation apart from tenure-track professorships. I've never really been inclined to teach at a collegiate level anyway- it just seems a little remote from what I really want to do. And the presenters at AIR made the prospect of being a research analyst/ scientist very alluring. It's not that I want to now go work for them (although they did seem to appreciate very much the research skills with which our school has prepared us- they hire many Michigan alums because our research methodology department is apparently very well regarded, which also happens to be what my Masters was in, Educational Policy and Research Methodology, so that's a good start I suppose.) But more importantly, their presentation got me very excited about the kinds of opportunities there are out there for me to do I want to do- in a nutshell, help kids.

And this is where the crisis comes in. I'll be done with my coursework by the end of the calendar year, which means I'm going to have to start thinking about my dissertation topic. I told myself I have to figure this out by the end of this semester and today's talk has just stressed me out so much in this regard. Do I want to do a historical analysis of early childhood education/ development because my advisor's an education historian and I love him dearly and want to keep him on my committee, or do I do a methods-based analysis of more contemporary issues which may necessitate that I switch advisors and involve tons of number crunching? What's my topic going to be then? What's my conceptual model going to look like? Can I figure this all out by April? How long is it going to take? What kind of job can I get after that? Here? In Singapore? Anywhere??? See what I mean by crisis??!!

I was so bothered I thoroughly burnt myself out at the gym. Hard. We're talking 600 calories/hr hard. Think I was going to fall off the elliptical if that's actually possible. I should have run outside today actually, it wasn't that cold and the brisk air might have done me some good- what could be more cathartic than running in 38F weather? I just realized that when I get stressed, I exercise and cook (remember my big pot of chicken-mushroom pasta episode?), which is why tomorrow, I'm baking more cranberry cookies and making a big pot of curry for dinner. Thank god I don't veg out and gouge myself under stress, I don't think my body would ever forgive me.

I'm sorry if this post has been dreadfully self-absorbed- I just needed to see my thoughts in words, articulate it somehow before I can plan what to do next. I'd better figure this out soon- a girl can only run so fast and bake a finite number of cookies...